June 21, 2021

World’s Strongest Man Donates World’s Strongest Blood

 World’s Strongest Man Donates World’s Strongest Blood

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – A normally mundane high school blood drive turned into a media circus Wednesday, as local legend and World’s Strongest Man, Gregor Ver Smundarson, made a surprise appearance in support of The Horde’s latest drive for blood.

Thunderous applause erupted from the Lifslínd gymnasium bleachers as the phlebotomist on hand pulled the needle – her sixth attempt, from the volcanic forearm of the 2019 World’s Strongest Man and ESPN Radio Europe personality. Officials from the Guinness Book of World Records were on hand to document the feat.

“It’s always special when you can do your job and also promote a good cause, like bodybuilding” Guinness Recordkeeper Jayme Nickle said, following the clean up. “Have you ever seen blood this color? I love my job.” Nickel told me while tucking the still bubbling vile inside his breast pocket. A successful end to a day of high drama for the veteran Recordkeeper, considering the first five failed attempts.

“That 6th needle was about as thick as a McDonald’s straw – which is actually a new World Record in and of itself. So that makes three today!” Nickle added, a reference to their morning spent together at a nearby sperm bank.

Orlando Handy

Orlando Handy

"Cashing checks and building decks - that's why they call me the Handyman." Orlando Handy is the first person to be kicked out of the ABC's Shark Tank on more than one occasion. Neither episode has yet made it to air.

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