May 29, 2022

Unpopular Executive Fired, Replaced by His Dog

 Unpopular Executive Fired, Replaced by His Dog

CHICAGO, IL – This Thursday, finance executive Harry Reese was notified that he would be terminated effective immediately. His labrador mix, Spot, was notified via email that he will be hired as the company’s new Senior Director of Acquisitions. “Spot was always really popular on Zoom meetings. He would be sitting there on Harry’s desk sleeping, or playfully chasing a toy in the background. The whole team just really loves Spot,” said Human Resources Manager Jill Scott. “Harry was a real asshole though. It was time to make some changes in the organization. We all think this is for the best.” When asked about whether or not he’s confident about managing the organization’s acquisition strategy, Spot replied “arf arf bark arf” and then proceeded to lick himself.

Cornelius Pennyworth

Cornelius was born with a silver spoon and a golden keyboard. When he isn't waxing his Rolls Royce, Cornelius enjoys big-game hunting on his private estate and sorting through his collection of Persian rugs.

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  • My dog used to be my boss, but then we had to put him down.

    • Oof. No, no…wait. WOof.

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