December 7, 2021

“The Dow” Rebounds…Blocks Shots, Does It All

 “The Dow” Rebounds…Blocks Shots, Does It All

SOCHI, RUSSIA – With the 2020 NBA Finals getting underway, one would think that hoop dreams are the furthest thing away from the minds of fans of the lowly New York Knickerbockers. They haven’t even been allowed to play basketball since March 11th of this year (a 136 – 131 OT Win @ Atlanta, good enough for 12th place). But you would be wrong.

Dead wrong.

Enter “The Dow”: Dowjak Djovowitz, a first-round draft pick and the most exciting EuroLeague transfer we’ve seen enter the NBA since Spetsnaz Czagdonovich. The 6’10” power forward from Russia has already made an impact on his future teammates for the coming 2021 season, thanks to highlight videos that have gone viral on YouTube. “He’s relentless, like a coal-powered polar bear. Dude is lit,” said current power forward Julius Randle. Fellow newcomer, Tre Jones, drafted out of Duke, seemed perhaps less excited about the Russian transfer, known for his pervasive defense, sharing the court together. When asked about the possibility of a “Dow-Jones Connection” lighting up NYC for the next decade, Jones was quoted as saying “I don’t like to speculate.”

In Siberian Russian, “The Dow” is a term that the locals use for a particular weather pattern. It’s similar to what we here call a “Polar Vortex”, but lasts much, much longer. Long enough to change an entire climate even.

This journalist, for one, can’t think of any place in the world that’s more in need of a climate change right now than that of Madison Square Garden.

Orlando Handy

Orlando Handy

"Cashing checks and building decks - that's why they call me the Handyman." Orlando Handy is the first person to be kicked out of the ABC's Shark Tank on more than one occasion. Neither episode has yet made it to air.

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