May 28, 2022

Jimmy John’s Inspires Bold New Marketing Campaigns Abroad

 Jimmy John’s Inspires Bold New Marketing Campaigns Abroad

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – Citing the massive success of rags to riches sandwich chain Jimmy John’s, companies worldwide are taking a bold new approach to both marketing and advertising.

“I don’t care who you are or what you’re selling, in 2020 you’re message to the masses needs to be quick, clear, and concise” says Tombo Dirrhea, a marketing executive with over twenty five years experience. “‘Subs so fast you’ll freak?’ Brilliant. I wish we came up with that one” Tombo told me.

It did, however, inspire the longtime Gold Coast resident.

The first big fish to bite on Tombo’s bold new strategy was west coast burger chain Jack-in-the-Box, who launched their “Burgers so fast you’ll shit yourself” radio and social media ad campaign this past Spring, to smashing success. “I was able to sell the idea to their CEO using my KISS philosophy. Keep It Simple, Shithead.”

Their next catch found them in a brand new vertical, and ever since, “Insurance so fast you’ll shit yourself” has been unavoidable on the subway, and the campaign has made Lemonade Insurance a household name. “Geckos and stiff white ladies are for boomers. My agency is tapping into Zoomers, and we got a gusher” Dirrhea added.

So what’s next for Chicago’s most eligible bachelor and his ad agency, Fecaledia? Well, the bold go bolder – the 97 billion dollar a year adult film industry. “”Cum so hard your shit yourself” is testing pretty well right now, though it does sound kind of scary to some.” Tombo finished.  “It’s a bit taboo.”


Orlando Handy

"Cashing checks and building decks - that's why they call me the Handyman." Orlando Handy is the first person to be kicked out of the ABC's Shark Tank on more than one occasion. Neither episode has yet made it to air.

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