May 9, 2021
Orlando Handy

Orlando Handy

"Cashing checks and building decks - that's why they call me the Handyman." Orlando Handy is the first person to be kicked out of the ABC's Shark Tank on more than one occasion. Neither episode has yet made it to air.

Jimmy John’s Inspires Bold New Marketing Campaigns Abroad

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – Citing the massive success of rags to riches sandwich chain Jimmy John’s, companies worldwide are taking a bold new approach to both marketing and advertising. “I don’t care who you are or what you’re selling, in 2020 you’re message to the masses needs to be quick, clear, and concise” says Tombo Dirrhea, […]Read More

World’s Strongest Man Donates World’s Strongest Blood

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – A normally mundane high school blood drive turned into a media circus Wednesday, as local legend and World’s Strongest Man, Gregor Ver Smundarson, made a surprise appearance in support of The Horde’s latest drive for blood. Thunderous applause erupted from the Lifslínd gymnasium bleachers as the phlebotomist on hand pulled the needle […]Read More

From Bumping Lines to Coding Them: The Story of Shane

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – A gold plated triangle, molded into the shape of the YouTube ‘Play Button’, is the only recognizable item left sitting on the fireplace mantel. The only remaining relic from a time long since forgotten by the man who owns it. Alongside and beneath the scuffed award, functioning these days more so as […]Read More

FDA Approves Muscle Milk for Racehorses

WHITE PLAINS, NY – The Food and Drug Association and National Thoroughbred Racing Association issued a joint statement today announcing government approval for Muscle Milk to be sold to racehorses in all 50 US States and Puerto Rico. A formal press conference was held yesterday at the headquarters of PepsiCo, who has owned the steroid […]Read More

“The Dow” Rebounds…Blocks Shots, Does It All

SOCHI, RUSSIA – With the 2020 NBA Finals getting underway, one would think that hoop dreams are the furthest thing away from the minds of fans of the lowly New York Knickerbockers. They haven’t even been allowed to play basketball since March 11th of this year (a 136 – 131 OT Win @ Atlanta, good […]Read More